Out of thought came the word
Sex & Relationships: Top New Online Dating Advice Guide Books For Men & Women
A radical new book about online dating reveals the truth about how dating apps work, and offers top tips and guidelines for what single men and women need to do to find their match. By Ben Arogundade. December 23, 2019.
SMILING WORKS: Research into online dating profile pictures reveals that images of single men or women smiling receive the highest levels of engagement. Discover more top tips in Ben Arogundade’s new book — a guide to online dating.
My Terrifying, Shocking, Humiliating Amazing Adventures In Online Dating recounts my journey as a 50-something male Londoner after unexpectedly finding myself single following the break-up of a six-year relationship. I embarked upon an eventful journey through the precarious world of online dating apps, during which time I was stood up, ghosted, verbally abused, propositioned for sex and asked to be a surrogate father to an unborn child, amongst other things.
My book documents my eventful journey as well as offering new advice for what single men and women need to do to find their match. Here are some of my top tips:
1. DECIDE IF THE TIME IS RIGHT
This is the first question you should ask yourself before signing up to any dating apps. Many of us use online dating as a vehicle to recover from past relationships, when actually we are less than ready to be fully engaged with it. This can create confusion, both for you and for potential suitors. I first signed up just 10 weeks out of a six-year relationship, and this proved to be much too early. I have one friend who joined Hinge on the same afternoon she split from her long-term partner. During my time online I have been messaged by women who were in the middle of their divorces, and another who was six-months pregnant. If you are in situations like these, be honest with yourself — are you in the right frame of mind to be online dating right now?
2. DO YOUR HOMEWORK
If you decide that you are ready to sign up, you should do some homework about online dating first. Many people subscribe without getting any guidance about what to do or what to expect, and then they are sent reeling in horror after the negative effects of first exposure. Many of the mistakes first timers make when creating their profiles are simply due to the fact that they do not know the protocols. The fact that you are reading this is a good start, but there are lots of online resources that can help too.
3. CHOOSE YOUR APPS CAREFULLY
Forbes estimates there are currently 8,000 dating apps worldwide, with 1,000 new launches per year. ‘Tinder’ is the market leader, but it may not necessarily be right for you. Its reputation is that it is the go-to app for hook-ups and one-night-stands, and many men in particular still use it with this in mind. Consequently its focus is primarily aesthetic and sexual, and users tend not to read or post wordy profiles. Many female ‘Tinder’ users complain about this, and being constantly propositioned for sex, when they might be better off on another app with a different focus.
Again, do your own research before choosing which app, or apps are best for you. But remember, subscribing to more than one at a time increases your overall engagement time per day, and also the costs of any subscriptions.
4. CREATE WINNING IMAGES
In the age of high quality digital cameras on every smartphone, there is no excuse today for online daters posting poor quality imagery. Those who post blurry images, or those that are too dark to see their faces, or else their faces are cut off in the frame, etc, are doing themselves a disservice. If you can’t be bothered to post good pictures of yourself, why should anybody be bothered to date you?
The best profile photo a dater can post is one in which they are smiling, with their eyes to camera. Humans are hardwired to respond positively to smiling. It says, “Hi, I am open, I am friendly, I am happy”. Unsurprisingly, in research, straight-to-camera images yield the highest engagement. “People who face forward in their profile photo are 20 per cent more likely to be swiped right,” says dating app sociologist Jess Carbino.
Get the full list of my top tips in my new book, and learn how to online date better. Good luck!
Available now at Amazon, (£9.99/$12.99)
From Heartache To Happiness: How I Found Love Online
“Intriguing and powerful.”
BBC Radio 5 Live
“Extraordinary and revelatory.”
Author Ben Arogundade recounts his journey as an online dater, during which time he was stood up, verbally abused, propositioned for sex and asked to be a father to an unborn child. Along the way he offers singles the secrets and best practices they need to know to boost the quality of their matches, and presents the latest strategies, research-based guidelines and innovations to take their online profiles to new levels of excellence. Get it now at Amazon, £9.99/$12.99.
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